Me v/s Myself

A lot was going through my mind when i first started blogging. An uncertainity in carrier and life. I was struggling with myself. My eyes were blinded by thick layer of fog. I taked to myself, my friends but none of this helped me.

I still remember my first post. I wrote it with tremors in my hands. I started writting, why? Even i’m not fully sure about it. May be i was trying to find light in my life by using pen as power.

I was fighting with my own thoughts. Since the day i was born, i did everything to please my parents and family. I studied hard for my parents. They consider it to be their pride. Like every family, all hopes were only associated with my brother. When he didn’t performed well. They were left with no option other then trusting me A GIRL.

I was never allowed to live my way. That’s the reason i failed to interact with my colleages when i first entered hostel. More i stayed away from my family more independent i felt. Even that feeling was not enough.

I was feeling like i am an integral part of my life. Then i went into flashback where i used to listen songs carefully and then note them down. I tried hard to understand how their lyrics were coorelated . how each line is followed by other.

In 8th grade i thought and wrote something. It was a 4 line poem. I still remember that feeling of victory after writing poem. It was far more then what i felt after being school topper.

Our teachers always used to ask us what will we do in future? When i was asked this question. I stood in silence till the question was repeated thrice and then answered. Whatever my parents want me to do i will do that. My parents wanted me to become a doctor. Today i am a doctor. I was still feeling incomplete. Suffocation over powered me. Then i realised what i wanted.

I wanted to write. For myself.. For getting my oxygen back.

I am coming across some of wonderful people from world by blogging. Its really nice .


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